PSA: There may be tears, by post end. Skip the end….😥.
Hang in there, til the end, and the ride will be worth it. Okay, maybe not but my vent, er rant, er ahem, positive, uplifting message will have been of benefit to us all.
*que sinister, foreboding, what the fresh hell music*
I should have known, when my microwave decided to bellow sparks and awful smell, that the day had disaster written all over it.
Okay. Okay! We don’t do disaster round here. We stand. We love. We fight. We…..
Here I was, minding my own business, doing my job, when ALL hell broke loose, in one area, causing me to want to flip out, for the rest of the day.
At the very least, I was tempted to take a bat to the now defunct microwave.
I did not.
I CHOSE to take the high road and keep working.
Thankfully, I am currently working from home so was free to cry, discreetly, whilst doing my job.
Lunch arrives. I decide to be a grown up and take care of some needed things. Should have stayed a child and left grown folk business to grown folk.
Found out some DEVASTATING news and promptly pressed the flip out button.
Completely forgot ALL about standing, trusting God and Life and just adding my TRY to this AWFUL situation that has come back to terrorize me. Again!
It has/had taken years, YEARS!, to deal with this issue. To put it to rest, to FINALLY be able to rest from fighting it and trying to stay positive, in the meantime.
Have you ever had something weigh you soooooooo heavily it was hard to maneuver through life, let alone try to be hopeful and have a positive attitude about it?
I had FINALLY told God and Life I was DONE fighting the thing, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and had snatched the shoes from hovering over my head!
Felt soooooooooo good to be free of THAT particular mountain. I could breathe. I could slay other dragons.
To find this old foe, knocking on my door, once more…*sigh*.
Being the big, strong, woman I am, I rushed and called one of my big bros. Love my bros. They would literally give you the shirt off their backs, if needed.
Called my big bro. Just needed to hear his voice. Such a caring voice. Makes me feel as though I can do anything, BE anything. He is one of my fave role models. I love so deeply, in part, from watching him love others, from having him love ME. He is ALWAYS there for our fam. As is my other hero, Ram. And Mys D. Yall know who you are!
Anyway, I call just to say life was hard. He turned into Superman. Touched my heart. Gave comfort I will NEVER forget. Love you, big bro. You know who you are. ❤
Because of his care, his voice, his love, I was able to collect myself and get back to work. It may or may not be true that I cried all over him. Sorry bro. Yikes.
Upset still, but determined, I go back to work…
WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL!!?!
My work laptop decided to join the microwave and give up the ghost…*sigh*.
Having used my big bro life line, I chose the phone a friend option and dialed my wombie. I proceeded to flip out, on her, and carried on about the unfairness of Life and, dammit, where the hell was God with all this fresh hell busting out every which way.
Thankfully, wombie knew to stand for me and just kept telling me to trust God, that He has got this AND me. Just kept saying TRUST.
I text my supe, in mass hysteria, advising “I told yall my laptop needed replacing!!” I was told to pack up the old one and go get a new one.
Turned in my old one. The techies neither transferred a decade’s worth of work, to the new laptop. He didn’t even make sure the new one was working or that I could get into it.
Of course, knowing my disaster day, I ask over and over if I could get in and have all I need to do my work.
Techie: Yea, you good
Me: Are you certain? Another coworker had to make a second trip unable to access their laptop and get going.
Techie: Yea, you good.
Me: I have years worth of files and photos on my old one. Normally they are transferred.
Techie: Yea, we just decided to give you a new one. This old one is too trashed to transfer all your stuff. You will have to start over. You good.
Taking the high road, I high tail it home, trusting God and Life, trusting the process.
Making the best of things, I stop at Popeyes which was on the way back. I use the ride home to enjoy the drive, be thankful for the opportunity to get my fave Popeyes and access to new laptop.
I tried not to focus on the decade of work, files and photos accumulated, now lost, due to someone’s refusing to do their job and transfer my blood, sweat and tears to my new laptop.
Arrived home, determined to stay positive, to start again. Again.
Huffing and puffing, whew, plugging in this, untangling that, wondering where on earth did all this DUST come from after having just vacuumed, plugging this wrong, hollering loudly, sorry neighbors, looking at delish Popeyes growing cold KNOWING I can’t reheat as the damn microwave blew up and took my laptop with which is why I am huffing and puffing under this damn desk trying to hook up a stupid laptop that does NOT have a decade, A DECADE!, of work on it!!
Finally, hooked up, I promptly sign in, get back to work and take a bite out of the still piping hot Popeyes.
Not only is my fave chicken ice cold, not only is a decade, A DECADE!, of work is gone. But, I can’t get into the laptop!
I TOLD YOU TO MAKE SURE I COULD GET IN IT!!
I call work. Half cry on my supervisor. Long day yall, cut a sista some slack.
Now, both of us in panic she reaches out to both of our boss to see what needs to happen. Turns out, I will need to return, first thing in the morning. Okay, really?
This reminded me of my attempt to get to the lake last weekend. God and Life had other plans that day.
Turns out, They had other plans for me, today. Seeing as though I can’t work, I popped on some tunes, took out my ice cold Popeyes and had afternoon picnic lunch with God, Life, and GEEZ!
Decided to make the best of things of this mess of things.
I can’t help what the techie would not do, can’t help that this old foe has returned, can’t do a blessed thing about a decade, A DECADE!, of files, work, and love now gone.
I CAN hang out with God and Life.
I CAN remind myself I defeated this foe, before, and WILL defeat him, this situation, this hard road, again. Again!
I start, again. Again!
I stand, again. Again!
I reaffirm my hope, again. Again!
I re rejoice, knowing lost files do not mean lost effort and affect, again. Again!
I look up, reach up To My Hope/Help, again. Again!
I reach out, to you, beloveds, and tell you not to be afraid, don’t give up, don’t give in, even if old foes reappear, again.
CHOOSE to start, again. Again!
The outcome, the ending, the output is not the point. These things are NOT the endgame.
The endgame is your showing up, to the starting line. Just keep showing up. Matters not if you don’t show out. Just show up. At the starting line.
You win, beloveds, EVERY time, you make it to the starting line. God and Life WILL take it from there.
Don’t worry about who will win or lose. Don’t waste a thought on prizes that may be doled out. Don’t fret about the pebbles in your shoe, the heat, the lack of supporters, the large crowd of naysayers, non believers and those things and people determined to stop you, to get in your way.
Get to the start line, beloveds. You grow EVERY time you go. You live EVERY time you get there. You inspire others EVERY time you make it to the start line.
Watching you get to the start line, inspires me to keep TRYing, to keep LIVEing, to keep LOVEing, to keep HOPEing.
Yes, you may lose things you may never see again. Yes, you may have to fight old fears and foes. Yes, you may need to cry on someone’s shoulder.
standing with you at the starting line,
Cassandra VICTORIOUS NO MATTER WHAT
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