When loss is not a loss.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my brother. Could go on, but will stop with them.

Have been fighting the good fight, being a good daughter, good sister, hard worker, supportive friend.

Exhausting. I want to not have to be those people, to have to do those things.

Took out the trash, yesterday. Didn’t want to. HAD to.

Made sure to eat. Made sure not to hide. Didn’t want to. HAD to.

Father’s Day is Sunday…*sigh *. Hey, dad. Still trying, to be a big girl. To be strong. To be good.

Want to tell effort, to tell my TRY, to go kick rocks.

Can’t do that. HAVE to keep going. Your loss wasn’t a loss. Your days came to their end, as must all things.

The trick is not allowing your natural end, to make me want to end my forward momentum. I would dearly love to.

Have considered hiding, in plain sight, until Father’s Day is over. Can’t do that, dad. HAVE to keep going. Have a life to live. Have trash to take out. Have a dishwasher to load and unload.

Think I will have a cup of coffee, mom, dad, and big bro. Will have a cup and think of you.

You are in your new journey. I must continue in mine. Wish I knew how to do this without you. God and Life says it’s okay to not be okay. No idea if I am okay or not.

You are not lost. Neither am I. Just FEEL lost without you.

Until I see you all again…😥

Cassandra HERE STILL

  • Now what!?
    Circumstances acted a fool on me, today. Today, I stood. Now what, circumstances?! You, do NOT run this. You, do NOT run me. You, circumstances, shall run from me. Situations cut up on me, today. Today, I trusted. Now what, situations!? You, do NOT own this. You, do NOT own me. You, situations, shall be … Continue reading Now what!?
    I choose: To stand, no matter what. To TRY, no matter what. To love, no matter what. To give my all, no matter what. To persevere, no matter what. To laugh, no matter what. To hope, no matter what. I choose to: Trust, God. Trust, Life. Trust, my TRY. Trust, the folks in my life … Continue reading I CHOOSE…
  • Real talk: Big bros and Popeyes.
    https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=X0f8bg4XEeI&feature=share PSA: There may be tears, by post end. Skip the end….😥. Hang in there, til the end, and the ride will be worth it. Okay,  maybe not but my vent, er rant, er ahem, positive, uplifting message will have been of benefit to us all. *que sinister, foreboding, what the fresh hell music* I … Continue reading Real talk: Big bros and Popeyes.
  • A shout out to ALL who care.
    I spent a delicious weekend enjoying the different blogs and responses! Sooooooooooooo much: Encouragement. Feedback. Challenges. Love. Care. Truth. Shown and shared! Awesome!! Thanks to ALL who have taken from their moments to reach into my life and touch my heart. This week is anniversary of the passing of one of my big bros. Today … Continue reading A shout out to ALL who care.
  • Today, was too heavy to carry, today.
    Today, was too heavy to carry, today. I gave it to God and Life, instead. Allowed THEM to carry this day, THEIR way. Laid my head upon God and Life’s Shoulders. Asked THEM to bear these burdens, and replace them with peace/joy/love, again. My burdens, They carried. Both told me to rest and allow THEM … Continue reading Today, was too heavy to carry, today.
  • Waiting for the spatula.
    I looooove food. Love it!…*hugs self* I think I love it, more because of watching mom cook. Watching her, learning from her, laughing with her, as she tried chicken, baked awesome pies, prepared mouthwatering cakes!…*hugs self* I especially loved cake baking times. The smells. The sounds of batter being whipped furiously within the mixing bowl. … Continue reading Waiting for the spatula.
  • Breakfast at midnight Part II
    Yesterday was sooooo delicious I could NOT let it end. In fact, it was so delicious I HAD to extend it into today! Just can’t let these moments go. Life is soooooo very short. I am squeezing EVERY moment to it’s limit. Breakfast was so delish, well, just HAD to rinse/repeat…*hugs self* Circumstances still working … Continue reading Breakfast at midnight Part II
  • Breakfast at midnight.
    I love bacon! FINALLY remembered to order bacon! YYAAAAASSSSSSSS! It was late. I had a satisfying Saturday. I had turned in, early, anticipating bacon, eggs, orange juice and coffee. Yummers! I couldn’t sleep. Just couldn’t get bacon and eggs off my mind. Bacon! Eggs! No work tomorrow! Hhmmmmm. Aha! No work tomorrow sounds an awful … Continue reading Breakfast at midnight.
  • Feel the heat/fear. Do it anyway!
    I have been wanting to go to the lake. Have heard how pretty it was. Have never been. Have been wanting to go for five years. Egads! Will get to him in a minute! I was also starving. Hankering for some BK Original Chicken sandwiches. Road trip! Figured I would go to the lake, enjoy … Continue reading Feel the heat/fear. Do it anyway!
  • Let’s get after it.
    Let’s get after it. Let’s ATTACK and WIN this day! No slinking in the back way, hoping for a good outcome. Naw, we kicking down the front, DEMANDING situations, circumstances, doubt, fear, the enemy and ALL their ilk to bow to our say so, to give way to our hope, to give in to our … Continue reading Let’s get after it.
  • Yikes!
    Much to share. Much, much, much TOO BUSY at work! Yikes!!! Whew!!! Good thing I can STILL tear up heaven praying for us all. Hang in there, beloveds. Remember, you are: Loved. Prayed for. Cherished. Special. Needed. Necessary. Okay. Okay to be okay until you are okay if you are not okay today. Keep moving … Continue reading Yikes!
  • We got this!!
    We got this!! NOTHING shall keep us from receiving: Love. Peace. Joy. God’s Promises. Life’s say sos. Keep going, beloveds!. Let NOTHING keep you from believing: Not, you. Not, other folks naysaying not knowing what the world they be talkin’ boutness. Not, situations. Not, circumstances. ESPCIALLY not: Fatigue. Doubt. Fear. Struggle. Trials. We got this, … Continue reading We got this!!

2 thoughts on “When loss is not a loss.

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