When loss is not a loss.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my brother. Could go on, but will stop with them.

Have been fighting the good fight, being a good daughter, good sister, hard worker, supportive friend.

Exhausting. I want to not have to be those people, to have to do those things.

Took out the trash, yesterday. Didn’t want to. HAD to.

Made sure to eat. Made sure not to hide. Didn’t want to. HAD to.

Father’s Day is Sunday…*sigh *. Hey, dad. Still trying, to be a big girl. To be strong. To be good.

Want to tell effort, to tell my TRY, to go kick rocks.

Can’t do that. HAVE to keep going. Your loss wasn’t a loss. Your days came to their end, as must all things.

The trick is not allowing your natural end, to make me want to end my forward momentum. I would dearly love to.

Have considered hiding, in plain sight, until Father’s Day is over. Can’t do that, dad. HAVE to keep going. Have a life to live. Have trash to take out. Have a dishwasher to load and unload.

Think I will have a cup of coffee, mom, dad, and big bro. Will have a cup and think of you.

You are in your new journey. I must continue in mine. Wish I knew how to do this without you. God and Life says it’s okay to not be okay. No idea if I am okay or not.

You are not lost. Neither am I. Just FEEL lost without you.

Until I see you all again…😥

Cassandra HERE STILL

  • Real talk: What would you say?
    https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=tJYpZKU81lc&feature=share What would you say? What would you say, who would you say it TO, if it/they would be your last words? Who/whom, would you say the words to? What would you say? Knowing, upon completion’s end, your words, would be the last words this world would ever hear. Would you: Allow, pride, to keep … Continue reading Real talk: What would you say?
  • Alone.
    https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=i3XGSPAMNRc&feature=share Mom, I miss you. I have never felt more alone. I need you. Need to hear your “Everything will be okay”. My birthday is a bit over two weeks away. Someone asked me what I wanted. ALL I want for my birthday is another day with you. I’ve tried, mom. Tried to be a … Continue reading Alone.
  • Last one…
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!! ‘Nuff said. Have an awesome, amazing, outrageous, relaxing, ridiculous weekend. I have done my part, have shouted into the void for us all, have done my work, have given my all. YOUR turns, beloveds. *Cassandra hands the mike/keyboard over. Love some folks, wouldja please and thanks? Can’t get to them all myself, dontchaknow? Be … Continue reading Last one…
  • Just cuz.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! OMG!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I NEEDED a good laugh. How about you? Take a coupla laughs into your day and save some for the weekend, wouldja please and thanks? How can we NOT laugh? Life is good, even when it’s hard. Keep going. Cassandra #YourLifeMattersToMe
  • Just in case…
    True story about you. You are MORE than enough. The week has had it’s say. You have had your way, in this week, the best you could. Let your TRY, your LOVE, your EFFORT, be enough. You did your thing, this week. Time to lay down the effort. Time to rest. Time to breathe. Time … Continue reading Just in case…
  • Keep going.
    My thoughts EXACTLY this morning…hehe…. Have you had one of those mornings where you want to tell your positive attitude to positively shut the hell up already!? Hhmm….scuse me…..*Cassandra rushes off to make coffee. Apparently her want to went on ahead and went back to bed* We know return to normal broadcasting…. Where was I? … Continue reading Keep going.
  • Keep moving.
    There are days, weeks, months, even, when the LAST thing I prefer to do is to keep moving. Getting out of bed, is an effort. Making life, er, coffee, is an effort. Getting dressed, is an effort. Deciding what to eat for breakfast, is an effort. Having to eat, said breakfast, is an effort. Effort. … Continue reading Keep moving.
  • Live!
    https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=8v9V6oNGAvw&feature=share Life is short. We only get ONE go around. No matter how it goes. We don’t get to learn lessons then get a do over. The ONLY thing we have is THIS moment. We have no idea how many more moments we have. Live. LIVE! REFUSE to live this life by barely scraping by. … Continue reading Live!
  • Not gonna happen….*shrug*…
    Nuff said.😜🤷‍♀️ 🤣 Life is short. Celebrate your greatness. Love someone, today, eh? You can start with me and keep it moving. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I crack myself at times. Be well, Cassandra #YourLifeMattersToMe
  • I am.
    I am. ‘Nuff said. So, are you. We don’t have to add, anything. We be fantastic all by ourselves. Just, as we are. Yes, we may not be, where we want to be, where we thought we would be, where we hope to be. Yet, we are: Enough. Again… I, am. So, are you. Folks … Continue reading I am.
  • Embrace YOU!
    Embrace YOU! Yea, I’m talking to YOU. The you that you don’t allow others to see. The goofy YOU. The outrageous YOU. The serious YOU. ALL of YOU! Time to get YOUR shine on. Time to own WHO YOU ARE. God and Life are PROUD of YOU, beloved. Yea, YOU. The goofy you. The outrageous … Continue reading Embrace YOU!
  • Acceptance.
    Acceptance….*sigh*. ACCEPTANCE! A really, really, really tough word, at times. Acceptance. I have been doing my best, here lately, to accept the things I can do nothing about. It has NOT been easy. Yet, it has been worth it. Doesn’t always FEEL that way, though. It is a very good thing that I make the … Continue reading Acceptance.

2 thoughts on “When loss is not a loss.

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