Fight for Jaybird: April 1st

The game, is, a foot.

I don’t give the first good damn.

I TOLD, God, I was NOT, ready.

I told, Life, I was just not, ready.

I told her, I am not ready, to face you, to face THAT Anger, THAT moment, at THIS moment.

How, can I do THIS moment, when I couldn’t do THAT moment?

Dammit.

Damn, me. For:

Damning me, to a lifetime, of running.

Running, from:

THAT anger.

THAT moment.

God.

Life.

Myself.

Opportunity.

You.

Jaybird, wants to fly. She, is Free. She, is the one who:

Kicks it, with Yikes! and Egads!

Dances, in her undies.

Dines, on double chocolate chip muffins, with The King.

Prays, relentlessly.

Jaybird, is relentlessly:

Optimistic.

Persistent.

Consistent.

Jaybird, that part, of me, that keeps, me, in trouble.

Jaybird, refuses to, give up:

On, God.

On, Life.

On, opportunity.

On, you.

On, me.

Jaybird, loves, us all. She just wants, us, whole. She, just wants, us, free.

Jaybird, is desperate to, get free, sadly, from me.

I, sadly, am her jailer. THAT anger, THAT moment, are mine.

THAT anger, and I, have our truce. I, Cassandra, long to:

Break, the treaty, with THAT anger.

Live, not survive.

Fly, straight.

Fly, free.

Fly, at all…😥

THAT anger, won’t allow escape from:

THAT moment.

Guilt.

Grief.

Shame.

Anger.

To face, THIS moment, and FINALLY, dear God, finally, deal with this, put to bed, forever, my:

Guilt.

Grief.

Shame.

Anger.

Jaybird, strains, to get free. She is desperate, restless, relentless. She is fighting, hard now, to get free.

She knows, I have grown weary, of carrying, the weight, of:

THAT anger.

THAT moment.

Guilt.

Grief.

Shame.

Anger.

Jaybird, grieves, deeply. For, my broken pieces. For, your broken pieces.

These ‘prayer stones’, I hold in my hands, may as well be, broken pieces, of me.

My spirit, flies, with Jaybird. My spirit, is free. My spirit, grieves, with Jaybird, for this, broken heart, called me.

I fight:

The night.

THAT anger.

THAT moment.

God.

Life.

Her.

Me.

Jaybird.

God: Let Jaybird go, Beloved. I have need, of her. I need, you, also.

Me: I can’t, let her go. You, ALWAYS, allow her to get me in trouble.

Life: Let Jaybird go, my friend. I have need, of her. I need you, also.

Me: I can’t, let her go. Her flight, is just too painful, to watch. She is my reminder that I am still grounded. She, lives. I, survive.

Her: Let Jaybird go, my friend. Forgive, yourself. Forgive, me. You were, but a young thing. How, could you know, your choice, in THAT moment, would leave you, forever angry/tormented, in THIS moment.

Forgive,you. I have, long ago. I forgave you. In THAT moment. I, forgive you, in THIS moment. God and Life have need, of her. Other broken pieces, need you, also.

Me: 😥💔

THAT Anger: You had not better let Jaybird go. You will cause me to burn down your world. You can not begin to contain me. You were, are wise, to have made the truce with me.

Me: Damn, you😡. Damn, me.💔

THAT moment: Let Jaybird go, Cassandra. THAT anger, WILL surely burn down your world, if you do not allow Jaybird to go free.

Is it not time, to deal with THAT anger, with me? Is it not time? To forgive yourself?

You were young. Youth is wasted, on the young. You could never have known your choice, that one choice, in that one moment, would leave you, with me, all these long days, years, moments. Forgiveness, will free you, from me. I want, to see you, flying, with Jaybird. I want, you free, of me, THAT moment.

I was never meant, to live this long. Deal with God. Deal with Life. Deal with her. Deal with you. Deal with me, so you can help other Jaybird’s to deal with their own, moments with me.

Me: Being bound, by THAT anger, I fitting punishment, for me. I don’t DESERVE to be free, of you. I failed her, in that moment. In, that moment, I failed, me. I can not, live with THAT knowledge.

I am, tired of this fight, with you. I long to, be free. Of:

Guilt.

Grief.

Shame.

Anger.

Jesus: Let Jaybird go, Beloved. I have need, of her. I need, you, also.

Me: How, can You, need me? My choice, in THAT moment, holds me prisoner, in THIS moment.

How, can this be, Your Forgiveness, be for ME? In THAT moment, I allowed, THAT anger, to caused me, to make the choice not to forgive her, to not forgive, me.

In, not forgiving her, I turned away, from her. In turning, away from her, in her moment of need, I damned, me.

Jaybird: Let me go. God, Life, other Jaybirds, you, have need of me. I need you, also.

I need to take your broken pieces, to The Cross. I need to meet My Lord, there. Easter is coming.

The Father, cries.

Heaven, is sad.

Time, grows nigh.

Release me, beloved. Help me, to release, you.

ALLOW, God, Life, Jesus access. To, your broken pieces, to, your broken, heart.

Your broken pieces, your broken heart, have already been forgiven, long ago.

On a Cross, on a Hill, Your Savior, took care, of ALL moments, there.

Forgive, live, love, Cassandra. Let me, Jaybird, go. Help me, Cassandra. Help me, get others, to take their broken pieces, their broken hearts, to The Cross. We must, hurry. Our Lord, awaits us there.

I will, try. Meet me at…

Angry, still.

Cassandra

P.S. We, ALL of us, have moments, circumstances, situations of regret. We, ALL of us, struggle with past issues, of some sort or another.

We, ALL of us, have made wrong choices, dumb choices, hard choices, unmeaning choices, unthinking choices. Choices, that have cost us love, opportunity, growth.

We, all of us, are doing the best we can. It’s time, don’t you think?

Time, to:

Forgive, ourselves.

Forgive, one another.

Allow, God to forgive us?

How long, must we, punish ourselves for: wrong choices, dumb choices, hard choices, unmeaning choices, unthinking choices?

As I write/work on Angry, still, how about you dealing with, writing about, preparing your own ‘Angry, still’s?

Aren’t you? Angry? Still? Let’s end, this war, these wars, together. I am taking my broken pieces, my broken heart, to The Only One, who can mend, them. Who can mend, me:

Jesus.

In rising, He gathered ALL of our moments. He set ALL of us free!

There, upon THAT Cross, Jesus, bled. Jesus, died. Yet, He rose.

We can, NOW, begin, again. We can:

Make, new moments.

Forgive, old moments.

Live, not survive.

Love, not hide.

Now, therefore, go! I go with you. God and Life goes with us, all. We can do this. We MUST do this. Go, beloveds. We must fight for our Jaybird. Fight, with me. I fight, for you.

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