The game, is, a foot.
I don’t give the first good damn.
I TOLD, God, I was NOT, ready.
I told, Life, I was just not, ready.
I told her, I am not ready, to face you, to face THAT Anger, THAT moment, at THIS moment.
How, can I do THIS moment, when I couldn’t do THAT moment?
Damn, me. For:
Damning me, to a lifetime, of running.
Jaybird, wants to fly. She, is Free. She, is the one who:
Kicks it, with Yikes! and Egads!
Dances, in her undies.
Dines, on double chocolate chip muffins, with The King.
Jaybird, is relentlessly:
Jaybird, that part, of me, that keeps, me, in trouble.
Jaybird, refuses to, give up:
Jaybird, loves, us all. She just wants, us, whole. She, just wants, us, free.
Jaybird, is desperate to, get free, sadly, from me.
I, sadly, am her jailer. THAT anger, THAT moment, are mine.
THAT anger, and I, have our truce. I, Cassandra, long to:
Break, the treaty, with THAT anger.
Live, not survive.
Fly, at all…😥
THAT anger, won’t allow escape from:
To face, THIS moment, and FINALLY, dear God, finally, deal with this, put to bed, forever, my:
Jaybird, strains, to get free. She is desperate, restless, relentless. She is fighting, hard now, to get free.
She knows, I have grown weary, of carrying, the weight, of:
Jaybird, grieves, deeply. For, my broken pieces. For, your broken pieces.
These ‘prayer stones’, I hold in my hands, may as well be, broken pieces, of me.
My spirit, flies, with Jaybird. My spirit, is free. My spirit, grieves, with Jaybird, for this, broken heart, called me.
God: Let Jaybird go, Beloved. I have need, of her. I need, you, also.
Me: I can’t, let her go. You, ALWAYS, allow her to get me in trouble.
Life: Let Jaybird go, my friend. I have need, of her. I need you, also.
Me: I can’t, let her go. Her flight, is just too painful, to watch. She is my reminder that I am still grounded. She, lives. I, survive.
Her: Let Jaybird go, my friend. Forgive, yourself. Forgive, me. You were, but a young thing. How, could you know, your choice, in THAT moment, would leave you, forever angry/tormented, in THIS moment.
Forgive,you. I have, long ago. I forgave you. In THAT moment. I, forgive you, in THIS moment. God and Life have need, of her. Other broken pieces, need you, also.
THAT Anger: You had not better let Jaybird go. You will cause me to burn down your world. You can not begin to contain me. You were, are wise, to have made the truce with me.
Me: Damn, you😡. Damn, me.💔
THAT moment: Let Jaybird go, Cassandra. THAT anger, WILL surely burn down your world, if you do not allow Jaybird to go free.
Is it not time, to deal with THAT anger, with me? Is it not time? To forgive yourself?
You were young. Youth is wasted, on the young. You could never have known your choice, that one choice, in that one moment, would leave you, with me, all these long days, years, moments. Forgiveness, will free you, from me. I want, to see you, flying, with Jaybird. I want, you free, of me, THAT moment.
I was never meant, to live this long. Deal with God. Deal with Life. Deal with her. Deal with you. Deal with me, so you can help other Jaybird’s to deal with their own, moments with me.
Me: Being bound, by THAT anger, I fitting punishment, for me. I don’t DESERVE to be free, of you. I failed her, in that moment. In, that moment, I failed, me. I can not, live with THAT knowledge.
I am, tired of this fight, with you. I long to, be free. Of:
Jesus: Let Jaybird go, Beloved. I have need, of her. I need, you, also.
Me: How, can You, need me? My choice, in THAT moment, holds me prisoner, in THIS moment.
How, can this be, Your Forgiveness, be for ME? In THAT moment, I allowed, THAT anger, to caused me, to make the choice not to forgive her, to not forgive, me.
In, not forgiving her, I turned away, from her. In turning, away from her, in her moment of need, I damned, me.
Jaybird: Let me go. God, Life, other Jaybirds, you, have need of me. I need you, also.
I need to take your broken pieces, to The Cross. I need to meet My Lord, there. Easter is coming.
The Father, cries.
Heaven, is sad.
Time, grows nigh.
Release me, beloved. Help me, to release, you.
ALLOW, God, Life, Jesus access. To, your broken pieces, to, your broken, heart.
Your broken pieces, your broken heart, have already been forgiven, long ago.
On a Cross, on a Hill, Your Savior, took care, of ALL moments, there.
Forgive, live, love, Cassandra. Let me, Jaybird, go. Help me, Cassandra. Help me, get others, to take their broken pieces, their broken hearts, to The Cross. We must, hurry. Our Lord, awaits us there.
I will, try. Meet me at…
P.S. We, ALL of us, have moments, circumstances, situations of regret. We, ALL of us, struggle with past issues, of some sort or another.
We, ALL of us, have made wrong choices, dumb choices, hard choices, unmeaning choices, unthinking choices. Choices, that have cost us love, opportunity, growth.
We, all of us, are doing the best we can. It’s time, don’t you think?
Forgive, one another.
Allow, God to forgive us?
How long, must we, punish ourselves for: wrong choices, dumb choices, hard choices, unmeaning choices, unthinking choices?
As I write/work on Angry, still, how about you dealing with, writing about, preparing your own ‘Angry, still’s?
Aren’t you? Angry? Still? Let’s end, this war, these wars, together. I am taking my broken pieces, my broken heart, to The Only One, who can mend, them. Who can mend, me:
In rising, He gathered ALL of our moments. He set ALL of us free!
There, upon THAT Cross, Jesus, bled. Jesus, died. Yet, He rose.
We can, NOW, begin, again. We can:
Make, new moments.
Forgive, old moments.
Live, not survive.
Love, not hide.
Now, therefore, go! I go with you. God and Life goes with us, all. We can do this. We MUST do this. Go, beloveds. We must fight for our Jaybird. Fight, with me. I fight, for you.
- Keep showing up!Monday. Again! *sigh*. Time. Time to start over. Again. Time, to show up. Again. Time. Time, to choose the starting line. Again. Time. Time, to wonder: Will today be the day where we get to win, finally? Will today be the day where we lose, yet again? Will today be the day where we give … Continue reading Keep showing up!
- Your efforts were NOT done in vain.Your efforts, your striving, your TRYing has NOT been in vain. Yes, it seems as though your efforts have come to naught. Yea, the struggle still feels like a struggle and humungous waste of time. Yea, the silence, the world, circumstances, situations all seem to be wondering why on earth you have not given up … Continue reading Your efforts were NOT done in vain.
- Your TRY is needed.Your TRY is needed. Your TRY is crucial. Your TRY causes others to want to try. Your TRY causes Heaven to try harder, on your behalf. Your TRY is changing lives, is changing your own. Even, when you can’t see, the outcome. ESPECIALLY, when you can’t see it. See, God and Life don’t want you … Continue reading Your TRY is needed.
- Real talk: stay PRESENT.“I have NO idea how I am going to make it to Friday!” That’s what I told my wombie, last night. ALL I saw was THREE MORE DAYS of existing, when I had barely scraped through Tuesday. Friday seemed so faaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr awwwwaaaayyyy!!! Just thinking about it had me despairing….hmm…… AHA!!!! Instead of staying, PRESENT, I … Continue reading Real talk: stay PRESENT.
- Put your hands together for YOU!Put your hands together! For YOU! YOU keep stepping up! YOU keep showing out! No matter what. No matter how. No matter where. YOU ARE STILL HERE!! Put your hands together, for YOU. YOU are fighting, still. YOU are TRYing, still. YOU are living, still. YOU are striving, still. Put your hands together, for YOU. … Continue reading Put your hands together for YOU!
- You are……loved. Seen. Heard. Valued. Take time to cherish YOU, today. Life is short. Yea, it hurts, at time. Much too short, though, to waste too much of it on regrets, whatifs and omygoodnesses. If you have been going through a rough patch, take a deep breath, tilt your head back and say…..ha! I got this!! … Continue reading You are…
- Broken pieces: You are NOT your pain.Broken pieces: You are NOT your pain. I have been trying to write this piece, since April. Today seems fitting, somehow. Had to scrape my way, out of bed. Forced myself, to STAY at work. Dammit! Sunday is Father’s Day. I BARELY made it, through Mother’s Day, in one piece. Still, I stood. This last … Continue reading Broken pieces: You are NOT your pain.
- I am……enough. You are… …enough. We are all… …enough. I am… …loved. You are… …loved. We are all… …loved. God loves… …me. God loves… …you. God loves… …us all. ‘Nuff said. 😎❤ Cassandra LOVED
- When loss is not a loss.I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my brother. Could go on, but will stop with them. Have been fighting the good fight, being a good daughter, good sister, hard worker, supportive friend. Exhausting. I want to not have to be those people, to have to do those things. Took out the … Continue reading When loss is not a loss.
- In this day.Good Morning. Yes, it IS good. You are here. STILL. You fought the night, to get to today, and won. The day, is yours, to use as you please. You only get one. Use it wisely. Laugh, in this day. Love, in this day. Spend some time with God, in this day. Chop it up … Continue reading In this day.
- Believe!https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYwSKZ8D1oM&feature=share Believe. Believe! BELIEVE!! Believe, in yourself. Believe, in your future. Believe, love IS for you. Believe, your dreams ARE attainable and worth having. Believe, you will make it. Believe, you CAN. Believe, you WILL!! Believe, ALL things really do work together FOR YOUR GOOD. Believe, you are MORE than a conqueror, through HIM, who … Continue reading Believe!
- Real talk: HIS Handwriting Part III was writing, yes, using my own ugly handwriting, this morning. It is both easy, and hard, to do. Okay, not easy. Hard. Why? This is what I wrote: I was thinking about blogging about my handwriting. The more I ‘write’, the more I look at my “ugly” handwriting, the more I am forced to … Continue reading Real talk: HIS Handwriting Part II
- Hope ALWAYS wins!How great is that!? Don’t EVER allow yourself to turn loose of your hope. Hang in there. Someone needed this message. Hang in there. You got this. Cassandra HOPEFUL STILL #YourLifeMattersToMe 😎
- Celebrate you.https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=z6DhNR3eO0U&feature=share Look at you! Go on ‘head, with yo bad self!! Strut your stuff. 💃 Take a bow. You livin’, beloved. You doin’ you. You handlin’ yo life bidnezz!! Yassssssss! Look at you! You have: Refused, to give up. Refused, to give in. You have: Loved: Hard: No matter the cost. No matter the why. … Continue reading Celebrate you.
- Time to dance!!https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjfs3rSIpIQ&feature=share Time to dance, beloveds!🔥💃❤ Ran the dishwasher. Turned on the lights. Loved somebody. Loved ourselves. Yasssss! We have shouted, into the void, and have won. Time to dance. Dancing with you, Cassandra LOVED 😎
- Sometimes, you just have to turn on the lights and start the dishwasher.Egads! Yikes! May and June can be rough, at times. Time I dodge, get through, the Mother’s Day bullet, here comes, the Father’s Day bullet…*sigh*. During, these weeks, I suck it up butter cup, I pull myself up by the bootstraps, I keep on keeping on, and all the other blasted sayings one says to … Continue reading Sometimes, you just have to turn on the lights and start the dishwasher.
- Rely on Your Help.https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=WJJcemwPMYM&feature=share One of THE most awesome things to hanging out with God is when life is super tough, and you don’t think you can make it not even one more step, He steps in and is right there, with us. That is, IF we remember to reach out, for help, for support, for love, when … Continue reading Rely on Your Help.
- Stillborn dreams.I’m tired. Tired of shouting into the void. That’s what I told God and Life, yesterday. And, the day before that. And, the day before that. I shout into the void. I wait. I wait. I wait. I wait. The day, turns into the night… The void has mocked me. ALL day. The void says … Continue reading Stillborn dreams.
- Turn your comfort food into a meal with The King.I admit it. I have been upset, ALL day. Missing mom. Exhausted from doing a new job I don’t know how to do. On top of all this, I have to live and not survive. Can’t hide behind distraction. Can’t keep my dammed feelings in a drawer where only God and Life can see. Am … Continue reading Turn your comfort food into a meal with The King.
- Show your heart.Life can be hard. So much so can get easy to want to hide. From, Life. From, yourself. From, folks who love and care for you. Don’t: Hide. Do: Show your heart. Your heart is: Beautiful. Wonderous. Amazing. Needed! Your heart contains too much love and goodness to keep it locked away. Yea, there have … Continue reading Show your heart.
- I miss you, mom.I miss you, mom. I’m trying, mom. Trying to be a big girl. Trying to do what’s right. Trying to live right. To do right. Trying to love folk as you did. You cared about folk. Gave them your last. Would give every dime I have just to see your face again. Think I will … Continue reading I miss you, mom.
- Your time WILL come.Waiting, on anything, can get hard at times. Waiting, on life-changing things, can be: Agonizing. Frustrating. Annoying! Hurry up already and get here!!! Feels like we are in a blasted waiting room, doesn’t it? I HATE WAITING ROOMS!!! *pout *…*sigh*… Seems like nothing good comes from waiting. What the world is up with all this … Continue reading Your time WILL come.
- Tell frustration and in the meantime to go kick some rocks!https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=rmLs1Cu-DEA&feature=share In the meantime… IN THE MEANTIME!! Those three words! Ack! They can be: Maddening. Frustrating. Discouraging. IF. Ah, if… In the meantime, can ONLY be frustrating, maddening, discouraging ONLY if we allow the natural waiting, of life, to be so. God and Life desires that we ENJOY this life. ALL of it. The exciting … Continue reading Tell frustration and in the meantime to go kick some rocks!