I could not stand, today. Not, today. Today, was, well today was just too hard. Dammit.
Choosing not to choose, Life chose for me and put me on my knees, before God.
That would be fantastic if I were not currently angry with Him: for telling me it’s time. I am not ready!
I stomped, through the morning, told my accountability partner I was NOT standing, today. It was just too hard, I was just too damned angry, for being asked to stand. Dammit.
Why am I angry, today? I have chosen to ALLOW myself the luxury of BEING angry. Dammit. I have not given in to the hidden anger. To….Yikes…..Egads.
You are NOT sneaking up on me THIS and THAT. I already told Dad, this morning, I was not ready yet.
If you don’t know what I am talking about, you have to go back and read ‘Letters to Him: What do you do when it’s time, and you are not ready.
Okay, so you still won’t know as God, Life, and I are currently fighting about dealing with THIS and THAT and to stop hiding behind ‘I am not ready’. I am not ready! Dammit.
Feeling sufficiently vindicated and righteous, I blithely informed my accountability partner I was not standing, today. Please and thank you. Today, was just too hard and I was just, well, just too damn mad to stand.
Me: I am not ready.
Her: Yes you are.
Me: I can not stand, today.
Her: I’m telling Dad on you.
Me: I don’t care
Her: You stand up right now.
Me: ….*Cassandra ponders her need to stay angry opposed to Dad AND her going off on me….*Cassandra decides to stand. Cassandra stands*.
Her: Now pray.
Me: All I can say is one word: Father
Me: Father. Father…*sigh*…..FATHER!….
Father: I am here. You can do ALL things. Through ME. No weapon, formed against you, shall prosper. ALL things work together for good. Let them.
Choosing to trust Him, I stood. Angry, yet, I stood. While standing, I decided to turn my anger into a praise. I decided, to fight my way out. To use the anger, to fight, FOR me, not against Him. I turned my anger, into a praise. I turned my praise, into an offering.
I chose, to check it, BEFORE, I wrecked it. Came awfully close to crashing this time. Whew.
There is just no getting around this life. It can be hard. It demands so much of us. Those demands, at times, can make one angry. It gets old. Trying, gets old. Standing, gets old. Striving, gets old. When life gets old/hard, it can be so tempting to want to stop the world, and get off, go off.
We can wreck things when we are tired, tried, tested. It is during the testing we must hold out. We MUST hold on. To God. To Life. To Freedom. At all costs. No matter, the discomfort. Hold on. No matter, the challenge. Hold on. No matter, the fight. Hold on.
Don’t wreck all the good. Don’t wreck the new growth. Don’t wreck what is becoming because the becoming is seeming to come entirely too slow.
Wait. Wait for the release. Wait for the breakthrough. Wait for the breakout. Wait for it. It shall surely come. It is waiting for it’s time. ALL things have their time, their season, their space. Nothing can stop what God has prepared for you.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
Psalm 46 – God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
End this day, with these words: God SEES you. God LOVES you. God CARES DEEPLY, for your life. As do, I.
I love you.
Jaybird YOUR FRIEND