Am I enough? I have been asking myself this question for weeks. For months.
I have been asking this of God and of me. Why?
Because there are sooooooo many folks out there, hiding. They are wounded and lonely and frustrated and grieving and life is kicking their tails, as it has kicked mine.
I have learned how to give those wounds, those hurts, those fears, those hard things to God. Okay, so it took a bit of wooing, on His part, to get me to surrender, to get me to TRUST that He really does love me and care for my life.
There is something about being set free. It makes you long to see others free. You can’t rest, knowing there are so many folk out there, hiding wounds that need healing and bonding. That there are hearts needing to be loved but are afraid they won’t be loved back.
So, I pray and ask God to help folk, to touch hearts, to let folk know He isn’t to be feared. He loves us. I ask Him what I can do and all He ever tells me is to love folk. To just be ME and to love them.
That’s when the argument starts. I tell God I am no one special. All that I have to offer life and Him and folks is me. My love and care. My prayers for healing and peace. My dumb jokes and texts, in the middle of the day or night just wanting folk to know that I care.
How can that possibly help Him or life or folk?
God doesn’t play fair. He won’t even argue back. Simply says for me to be me and just love folk.
I tell Him that I am inadequate. I don’t use enough commas and use too many ‘thats’. He says write anyway.
I tell Him my jokes are really dumb and most folks don’t get them. He agrees and says to be foolish anyway. Life and folk could stand a bit of dumbness.
There are so many things I have asked Life for and Life has stayed silent. I fuss with God and tell Him I am tired of asking. It has to be ME that’s the problem. I despair it has to be me as so many around me has been blessed. And, all I have is my love and my care.
All God says is to keep asking of Life, to keep loving folk, to keep trusting Him.
I ask God if I am enough and He said:
Jeremiah 31:3 – The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
John 13:34 – A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
How can I argue with that!?
God keeps telling us all to love one another, to help bear someone else’s burden. He just asks us to love folk, as we are, as THEY are.
Don’t wait until they turn into someone you think they should be. Love them. As they are. WHERE they are. Right now. In their moment.
I have messed up so spectacularly. And, God extended His grace and loved me. He loves me, still. When I mess up, He loves me, still. When I try hard, He loves me, still. When I barely have enough me to scrape out of bed, He loves me, still.
When I am angry with Him and tell Him to go kick rocks, He loves me, still. When I repent for telling Him to go rocks, He laughs and loves me, still.
When I question Him and why He seems to go silent when I need Him to shout of His love for me, He loves me, still.
When I have fought the day and it appears the day has kicked my tail, He loves me, still.
God just won’t stop loving and believing in me. I am doing my level best to love me, with the same tenacity and care. Am doing my best to love Life and folk with the same tenacity and care.
All that I have to give this world is me. Is that enough?
We shall all find out, eh?
Am going to love this world, and the folks in it, for the rest of my days. What shall I get back in return? Don’t ask me. God knows and He ain’t telling.
I love you, world.❤